Preparing for Goodbye

Preparing for Goodbye

     Today was a difficult day for me.  I had to break the news to my "team mates" that I was not coming back next year.   My "team" is actually "Our Team." The team of teachers I have been a member of for fifteen years.  I am the only English teacher in the eighth grade at Damascus Middle School  Damascus, VA.  That is one the unique things about DMS.  We are a small school of about 220 students in grades sixth-eighth.  In those three grades we have one teacher per subject area...Well we did until a couple of  years ago.  We lost our civics teacher in seventh grade and this year our English teacher in sixth grade.  

      This year has been a struggle with other teachers carrying the extra loads.  For instance, our seventh grade English teacher teaches three periods of seventh grade English and two periods of sixth grade English.  I teach four periods of eighth grade English and one of sixth. Our two social studies teacher and a science teacher, teach a period of civics.  Very stressful and very confusing for us and the students.  But I digress.

      DMS is a special place, the first and only place I have taught, other than my substituting.  So today, as they poured our footers, (the test for me that made it real) I told my team mates I would not return for a sixteenth year.  

I watched as faces went from inquisitive, to shock, to sadness.  I felt awful.  This was suppose to be an exciting time for Jon and me and I feel like a traitor.  My boss has known for a month now, but I just couldn't find the right time to tell these friends, this family, I was leaving them for home.

     I have been gone from home for thirty-seven years.  I came home regularly and I carried the pride of my hometown everywhere I have lived.  But there is a big difference between  going home and being home.  My Dad is ninety-two!  He is the baby of his family, the only one left. My mama died six years ago - Alzheimer's.  Such a horrible disease to have and to watch.  My daddy was very brave and did every thing he could for her to make her happy, comfortable, and loved.  As an only child, I watched their relationship change from that of husband and wife to caretaker and patient.

     In her last hours, she was granted clarity by God and she told my daddy how much she hated leaving him.  She apologized again and again, but finally she could stay no longer and she departed this realm with my daddy at her side and her only child trying to get there, before she moved on.  I did not make it home that day in a timely manner.

I have never really forgiven myself for this "failure " as I see it.  But I know one thing, I never want to be in that situation again.

      So my wonderful husband has done everything in his power to make my dream a reality.  We are moving home, to be among family, long time friends, and the love and connections we have missed out on for so long.

But that does not stop the tears when I think of everyone I am leaving here and the connections, love, and friendships I have had here.

     So many things have happened while I have been in Southwest Virginia.  I have learned lessons I will never lose.

I have learned:

I can fit in with anyone, if I put my head to it

I am smarter than I give myself credit for

I am stronger than I thought I was

I am weaker than I knew I was

I count on God for everything

My friends became my family

And leaving them will make me extremely sad

But with God's guidance and help I will be able to leave knowing I will always have good friends - Family -  here.

So today, I got the initial shock out of the way.  I can move forward now and do what I need and have to do knowing I treated them fairly and respectfully and hope they will always know they are welcome in our home.